How Wario
by TRUE Unknown
Summary: This is a series, starring Wario, his WarioWare Inc. friends, and WALUIGI! May contain gueststars from the actual Mario series. Chapter 3: Wario saves Valentine's Day! Reworking is in progress!
1. How Wario saves Thanksgiving

'How Wario' series

By TRUE Unknown

Note: I do not own Nintendo, or the Wario/WarioWare games. I only own this fic.

This is the beginning of a series of how Wario and his friends are so great, that they also save many holidays/occasions. I hope you all read this and enjoy it!

--

How Wario… saved Thanksgiving

--

[Diamond City; A scraggly man wearing a purple shirt, black overalls, a purple upside-down L hat, and a jagged mustache walks into town]

Waluigi: So… This is Diamond City.

[Who should walk by him but the intrepid reporter dog Ken.]

Waluigi: Excuse me! Do you know where Wario lives?

Ken [sounding like a reporter]: You mean the inventor of the famous WarioWare Inc. game? Why of course! [Points] He resides in the WarioWare Corporation building in the centre of town!

Waluigi [couldn't believe what he just heard]: Famous!? Game!? CORPORATION!!?? I'm gonna kill him!! [Walks off in a burning fervor of determination]

[Waluigi makes his way into the center of town, seeing the WarioWare Corporation building the dog told him about; he makes it to the door, and knocks on the door, **also with the burning fervor of determination**. Who should open it but a red and white clothed, multi-colored afro man.]

Jimmy T. [disco-style]: Hey! What you need?

Waluigi [eying Jimmy strangely]: I'm here to kill Wario!

[Suddenly, in his WarioWare clothes, save for his lucky yellow W hat, comes Wario himself.]

Wario [sarcastic]: I'm sorry, we're fresh out of that!

Waluigi: Wario!!

Wario: Now, why are you here?

Waluigi: I'm going to make you suffer!

[Waluigi tried to leap on Wario, but, thanks to some battle skills he picked up from battling the evil Black Jewel, he performed a one-two-noggin slammer to the skinny guy, stunning him. Wario then grabbed the stunned Waluigi, and performed his infamous pile driver]

Waluigi [in considerable pain]: Ow… when did you learn some new moves…?

----

[Some time passed]

Waluigi [with a head bandage]: So, let me get this straight: You saw a commercial about a best-selling game called Pyoro. This made you realize that the big bucks are in software development, so you and your [With his fingers] "friends" [Stops] decided to make your own game. And when you wanted to keep the profits for yourself, you flew up in a rocket, ran into a floating scientist in a lemon-colored jumpsuit, and all your profits fell into the hands of your associates. Correct?

Wario: Yes.

Waluigi: Might I ask, WHY DIDN'T YOU GET ME INVOLVED!?

Wario: You know I like money. But I didn't know that everyone else was greedy too! And I don't like you too!

Jimmy T. [flashing bling-bling]: You got that right. The name's Jimmy T.

Waluigi: I'm Waluigi.

[Suddenly, coming out of the bathroom was one of Wario's female friends, wearing a red skirt and halter-top, with flowing orange hair and goggles, Mona.]

Waluigi [thinking]: Wow. She's hot. [Aloud] Wow, Wario! You must be so rich, you can buy your own women! WEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [gets kicked in the face by Mona]

Wario: You must be _really_ stupid. My relationship with Mona is platonic. [To Mona] Mona, this is Waluigi. Waluigi, Mona.

Waluigi: I don't believe it one bit! She's hotter than Princess Peach, and you don't even phase one bit!

Wario: So?

Waluigi: … Are you into men?

Wario [glaring]: … Mona, you know what to do. 

Mona [quirky smile]: Got it, Wario!

[Mona walks up to Waluigi, kicks him down, and then grabs Waluigi's leg, spinning him around and around, mimicking Wario's giant swing, until she lets him go, hitting the wall]

Waluigi: Ow…

Mona: Like that?

Wario: Thanks much, Mona. [Gets up, and heads to the fridge] Now, where's that shopping list?

Jimmy T.: On the fridge.

Wario: **On** the fridge!? [Looks up] Oh, there. We need a large turkey for the Thanksgiving dinner. I'll be back. [Goes out]

----

[Twenty minutes later, Wario comes back]

Mona: So?

Wario: Nope.

Mona: Nope!?

Waluigi: Probably ate it along the way. WEHEHEHEHE!

Jimmy T. [slaps Waluigi upside the head]: Dude. Not cool.

Wario: They were out of turkeys!

[Now, with a lemon colored jumpsuit, a clown red nose, and a metal visor covering his eyes and right half of his head, Dr. Crygor entered the house.]

Dr. Crygor: This is terrible!

Wario: What?

Dr. Crygor: Someone leaked information to the turkeys, and they all migrated south!

[Wario, Mona, Jimmy, and Waluigi look at him with disbelief]

Waluigi: Is he always this insane?

Wario: Yes.

[With the turkeys; they hitched a ride]

Turkey Alpha: [random gobbling]

Driver: I'm trying! Stop yelling at me!

[Back with the gang]

Dr. Crygor: If we do not apprehend those turkeys, Thanksgiving will be ruined!

Mona: Don't forget Christmas as well, since people eat turkeys around that time too.

Waluigi: What should we do?

Wario [determined]: If those turkeys think they can ruin Thanksgiving by not offering themselves as sacrifices and getting in my belly, then guys, they are so wrong! Let's go!

[The five of them head off to the garage; Wario, along with Mona and Jimmy, go in his Mario Kart: Double Dash!! Vehicle, the Wario Car. Waluigi and Crygor go in Waluigi's vehicle, the Waluigi Racer]

Waluigi [small vein in forehead]: What was my car doing here?

Wario: Holding pickle jars!

Waluigi: EWWW!!

----

[And THEY'RE OFF! They wiz past the town, and go down south; not too far ahead, they see a car, whose windows are blocked with turkey feathers]

Crygor: That must be it!

Wario: Someone, take the wheel!

[Wario switches places with Mona; he pulls a Bob-omb out of his pocket]

Waluigi [eying it; it's already ignited]: WAH!! IT'S ALREADY ON, YOU FOOL!

Wario: Oh, crap! [He tosses it ahead to the car; an explosion occurs] Got 'em!

[They, however, are too late to see the smoldering car wreck in front of them, and both of the cars come to a screeching halt; Wario's car stopped, but Waluigi's car hit the wreckage, sending Crygor flying]

Dr. Crygor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GET THE TURKEYS! [Pretty star effect]

Waluigi: Well, that was unexpected.

Turkey Alpha [still going, with some minor turkey officials]: [random gobbling]

Jimmy T.: They've initiated battle!

Wario: We can handle them! Right, guys?

Mona: Right!

Waluigi [laughing evilly]: Most certainly.

[It was a death-defying battle as plump flightless birds with waddles and large brown feathers took on a scraggly man, a disco dancer, a part-time gelateria worker and student, and a greedy antihero who likes the bling-bling; oh! Here comes the finishing blow!]

Wario: Get that bugger over here!

Dr. Crygor: Wait!

Jimmy T.: Why?

Dr. Crygor: If I clone that turkey that you're about to kill, then I can repopulate the area you violently ripped apart.

Turkey Alpha: [random gobbling]

Waluigi [getting irritated]: Can't you just clone it from dead turkeys?

Dr. Crygor: I'm going to ignore what you just said.

[All around them, we see... death. All the turkeys that tried to rebel against our hero(es)[?] are now dead. The only alive one is the Turkey Alpha, whom they promptly stuffed in a cage]

Waluigi: Wow. Look at all the death!

Mona: Yeah.

Wario: Well, with these, we can at least re-stock the stores!

Waluigi: Heh.

Jimmy T.: What?

Waluigi: He's not thinking about the green this time!

Wario: Shut up!

----

[At Wario's house/WarioWare Corporation building, here we see the WarioWare gang (Kat, Ana, Orbulon, 9-Volt, Dr. Crygor, Dribble, Spitz, Mona, Jimmy T., Waluigi, and Wario) about to feast on delicious Thanksgiving meal, including turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, etc.]

Wario [he raises a champagne glass; Kat, Ana, and 9-Volt can't have champagne, so, uh, ginger ale will do]: My friends, a toast! To me!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--I'm just yanking you there this time.

Jimmy T.: Mean it this time, man!

Wario: I am! I am! I shall give thanks to all my friends! For without friends, I wouldn't have made WarioWare Inc.! 

[Everyone face faults]

Waluigi: You have some nerve!

Mona: Yeah! Lard-ass!

Wario: Well, I guess that was a little uncalled for. [Everyone looks at him] Okay, it **was **uncalled for! Let us just enjoy our meal! Of course! [raises glass again] A toast! TO US!!

Everyone: TO US!!

[And so after the meal, everyone was 'a little tipsy' and played Twister. You wouldn't believe how easy Waluigi found it. When it got a little too far, Kat, Ana, 9-Volt, and Spitz (who needs approx. 10 champagne glasses to get intoxicated) had to get everyone home. Waluigi ended up following Kat and Ana home, sleeping outside in the cruel cold]

Waluigi: WHY IS IT SO COLD!? AAACHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

----

Well, what think?


	2. How Wario saves Christmas

'How Wario' series

By TRUE Unknown

Note: I do not own Nintendo, or the Wario/WarioWare games. I only own this fic.

--

How Wario… saves Christmas! [Japanese-style and normal]

--

[It's a venerable sunny morning with little to no snow around, and 'tis a little nippy... but suddenly, a BLIZZARD!! …More like a large pile of snow falling to the ground, covering everything in a humorous white; outside Kat and Ana's place]

Kat [covering face with hand, because despite it being a blizzard, there's still some bright sun]: Mr. Waluigi! Where are you?

Ana: You'll never get him up with that sort of call! You have to insult him! [Yelling as loud as a 5-6 year old girl should] TWIG NUT!

Waluigi [pops out of the snow]: I'M UP! I'M UP! Hey... wait a minute!

[Both girls are giggling like little school girls... Wait, they _are_ school girls!]

Ana: IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE!

Waluigi [ignoring giddy girls]: ... So, what's for breakfast?

[Who should walk in through their door but the little old-school game player, 9-Volt]

9-Volt [in a snow suit; shakes off all of the snow covering him]: Hey guys!

Kat, Ana, and Waluigi: Hey 9-Volt.

9-Volt: Aren't you guys psyched that tomorrow's Christmas?

Kat: Yep!

Ana: Certainly!

Waluigi: I **doubt** I was a good little boy. Oh well! What's for breakfast?

9-Volt: Where's Wario?

Ana: He's sleeping in, I bet.

Kat: I don't know why he doesn't like to come out during the winter...

Waluigi: Ahem. BREAKFAST!

Kat: Not now! We're getting Wario up!

Waluigi: Aw dammit!

[In Waluigi's racer, they careen to the WarioWare Inc. Corporation Building, reminding Waluigi to put in a roof]

9-Volt: Why isn't there a roof!?

Kat [crying]: I'M FREAKIN COLD!

Ana: How come there's no roof?

Waluigi: Stop complaining! I had to drive in colder climates! This is nothing!!

[They park in front of the WarioWare building, knocking on the door]

Ana: Wario!

9-Volt: Hey Wario!

Waluigi: WAKE UP, YA CRAZY LARD-ARSE!

[The door opens, and we see Wario, not looking his best, in a large robe]

All of them: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

Wario [sleepy]: What is it?

Kat: Do you know what day it is?

Wario: Make a remixed version of WarioWare just to get more money day?

Kat: No! It's CHRISTMAS EVE!

Wario [groans]: Back to bed for me…

Ana: But we need your help Wario!

Wario: NO!

[Kat, Ana, and 9-Volt start to cry]

Waluigi: Only you can make children cry!

Wario: I'm fully aware!

Ana: If you don't help, then true love will never come this Christmas! [Continues crying]

Waluigi [starts crying too]: WAAAAA!!

Wario: What do ya mean, true love?

9-Volt [stops crying; informative]: In Japan Christmas is considered more of a romantic holiday, where romances between two people, of any race, gender, sexuality, or age, usually bloom into full-on happiness.

[Waluigi slaps in cheek in astonishment]

Wario [picking nose]: What does **that have to do with WarioWare?**

Ana: We're trying to help people get together!

Kat: Wait… Ana, when did we ever become a match-making business?

9-Volt: Yeah!

Waluigi: I remember it was a foggy eve…

Wario: YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME! IF YOU DON'T LEAVE RIGHT NOW, I'LL…uh… 

[Wario grabs Waluigi and pile-drives him]

Waluigi: Ouch…

Wario: AND THAT WAS A WARNING!

[Suddenly, they hear someone crying at the base of WarioWare Inc.]

Wario: Well, now I can't go back to sleep… I may as well go see what's going on…

[The five of them walked down to see what was the problem]

Wario: Hey, what's wrong? There's no crying outside my building! So shoo!

Woman [sobbing]: You heartless jerk!

Wario: If you want money, I'll give it to you!

Woman [still bawling]: NO! I WANT MY HAKUNO!!

Waluigi: What's a 'Hakuno'?

Woman: Hakuno's my boyfriend!!

9-Volt: Oh.

Woman: You see, my name is Nakino, and I and my boyfriend Hakuno broke up over a silly dispute of who looked the best like Keanu Reeves.

Kat [*tsk* *tsk*-ing]: That's a shame…

Waluigi: That's a **stupid** thing to fight over!

Nakino: Oh please, can you help me?

[Suddenly, a sleigh crashes on the roof of WarioWare!!]

Wario: OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! IF THAT'S ORBULON-- [Takes a deep breath; breathes out] Okay… You guys help the broad, and I'm going to check this out! [Walks up]

9-Volt: Good enough!

---

[With Waluigi and crew]

Waluigi [hands behind head]: Now, what does this bum of a boyfriend look like? [Gets bashed in the face] OW!

Nakino: Don't insult my Hakuno like that!

Ana: Do you think he still loves you?

Nakino: I know he does!

9-Volt [pulling out a calculator; starts to punch in numbers]: Hmm… The probability that he might forgive you or vice-versa and make amends is a decent 64%.

Waluigi [eying 9-Volt]: You think you're so big with your calculator and your intelligence! Besides, what does this guy look like!?

Nakino: He looks like… Hmm, how can I easily describe him…? One of those beautiful-looking men from that Final Fantasy Tactics Advance game!

Ana: You probably played it, right 9-Volt?

9-Volt: Nope! I only play Nintendo-exclusive games!

[Everyone face faults]

Waluigi: WAAAA… You're no help.

---

[With Wario]

Wario: So, let me get this straight: You're Santa?

Santa Claus [jolly]: Of course! Can't you tell from my belly that moves like a bowl full of jelly?

Wario: Alright, your story checks well. But why did you crash into MY ROOF exactly!?

Santa Claus [saddened]: Well, as it turned out, one of my Reindeer was murdered in mid-flight. I couldn't see anything, or anyone.

Wario: Which one? Blitzen? [Santa shakes his head] Oh dear god! NOT DASHER!

Santa Claus: He left the world real peaceful like.

Wario: NOOOOOOOOO! [Grabs Santa's hands] We're getting those toys delivered now!!

Santa Claus: HO HO HO! That's the spirit!

Wario: Now who killed him? We're going after his murderer first!

---

[Waluigi, Kat, Ana, and 9-Volt head off, leaving the saddened woman, looking for the saddened woman's boyfriend]

9-Volt: How do we even know where to start looking?

Kat: Let's cruise by the Gelateria!

Waluigi: Who would honestly be stupid enough to buy ice cream and/or the likes in the middle of winter!

Ana: They sell hot coffee!

[They head over towards the Gelateria]

Waluigi [yelling]: Hey Mona!!

Mona: WHAT!? I'M WORKING!

Waluigi: Have you seen any sad excuses of men around here?

Mona: Just one! He's at that corner over there, brooding about a lost love and regretting not getting the cappuccino flavor!

Kat: Wow. That's deep.

Ana: Maybe that's Hakuno!

9-Volt: Let's go check!

Waluigi: You guys check! I'm so hungry; I'm heading to the deli! I'm in the mood for a roast beef sandwich! [Leaves]

9-Volt: Man, what a jerk! No wonder Wario didn't want him in the WarioWare project!

[The three kids walk over to the bishonen (beautiful boy) sulking on a table, stirring his coffee]

Ana: Excuse me. Are you Hakuno?

Boy: Yeah.

9-Volt: Wow! You look 5 years younger than that Nakino lady!

Hakuno [grabs 9-Volt]: You saw Nakino?

Ana: We did! She really wants to make amends, Mr. Hakuno! She really misses you!

Hakuno: She does…?

Kat: Duh!

Hakuno [almost to tears]: I need her so badly! Where is she!?

9-Volt: At the fountain near the pagoda!

Hakuno: Maybe there's still time! [Runs off to save a happy ending]

Mona: Did he pay for his coffee?

Ana: Nope!

Mona: Aw, dammit! This comes right out of my F***IN PAYCHECK!

---

[In the air; Santa's sleigh and 7 reindeer are moving their hooves to keep themselves moving; Wario has to run in mid-air]

Wario [gasping and panting from all the exercise]: Well, at least this is cheaper than a Gym!

Santa Claus: Do you see anything? [A beam grazes Santa's moustache] We're under attack!

[Another sleigh, but filled with 4 elves start firing lasers at the jolly old man]

Elf [like a gangster]: EAT THIS, YOU ELITE FASCIST BASTARD!

[They get close to the sleigh, and Wario punches the craft; the craft sustains some damage, but are still]

Wario: Argh!!! I'll get them next time they pass by!

[The enemy craft goes underneath the sleigh; perfect for Wario to strike]

Wario [unhooks his reins; drops]: THIS IS FOR DASHER!

[The portly anti-hero grabs the elf craft, and, with an altitude of **3 vertical kilometers!** performs a pile driver]

---

Hakuno: Nakino!

Nakino [gets glomped by her younger boyfriend]: Oh, Hakuno! I'm so sorry for acting that way!

9-Volt: See? There was no need to break up over who looked the most like Keanu Reeves!

Ana [hearts in her eyes]: Doesn't this feel right?

Kat: It certainly does!

Hakuno [pops out a ring]: Nakino, will you merry me?

Nakino [eyes teary; hugs the little guy]: Oh… little brother… I do!

Ana [still hearts in her eyes]: AW! THAT WAS SO… [Normal] _What did she say?_

[All of a sudden, an innumerable amounts of screaming can be heard as Wario commences to slam the elves into the ground, **killing** **them straight on impact!!]**

Wario [posing like a wrestler]: I'M NUMBER ONE!

Kat [pouting like a sissy girl]: WARIO!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Wario:  Just stopped evil elves from ruining Christmas. You?

9-Volt: We got a couple back together! A strange and disturbing couple, but got them together nonetheless!

Ana: They're gone…

Wario: What level of disturbing are we talking about? [Ana whispers into his ear] THAT IS SICK! Their children are going to be so F***ED.

Waluigi [coming out of the deli]: What'd I miss?

---

And that's the story of how Wario saves Christmas!

The lesson is: Elves are evil, and they should not gain their personal freedom. Because this happens.


	3. How Wario saves Valentine's Day

'How Wario' series

By TRUE Unknown

Note: I do not own Nintendo, or the Wario/WarioWare games. I only own this fic.

--

How Wario… saves Valentine's Day

--

[Diamond City; where, I do not know]

Waluigi [bored, with Kat and Ana]: Waah... I hate when there's nothing to do around Diamond City. Maybe I should find my own place!

Kat: Are you sure, Mr. Waluigi?

Ana: Yeah! You make a good scarecrow! And you can scare off anyone that might try [looking and acting all adorable] to harm and injure our wittle bodies.

Waluigi: YOU HAVE A NINJA POSSE!

Ana [normal]: Yeah, but they suck now. Except for our ninja dog and sparrow.

Waluigi: I wish I was a ninja...

Crygor's voice from the distance: OH NO! WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE!?

Kat: That sounded like old man Crygor!

Waluigi: Should we help?

Ana: Maybe we should!

[The three dash as fast as they can--]

Kat: We don't dash! We ninja run!

[... right, _ninja run_--]

Waluigi [falls over]: WAH! I can't ninja run!

[... *vein in forehead* use their unique modes of TRANSPORTATION... okay... to reach their destination]

Waluigi: What happened man?

Crygor: I didn't mean for this to happen! 

Kat: SAY IT!

Crygor: I just created the be-all and end-all of all life!

Waluigi [clueless]: Is that bad?

Crygor: Yes, it will kill us all.

Feminine scream: AAAAAAAAAHH!!

Crygor: But don't worry Ana! This thing **can** be stopped!

Ana [testifying the scream]: THAT WAS WALUIGI!

Waluigi: I'm not good at handling news of demonic monstrosities!

--

[A cute little couple is walking around town; what they are unaware of, is that there is a hideous monster right behind them, about to suck out their life--]

Monster: RRROOOAAARRR!!! [sucks the life force out of the happy couple, now lying near dead on the ground]

[... Um, that was unexpected. Lo and behold, a pig-head UFO appears out of nowhere, with Orbulon popping out of it.]

Orbulon [alien speak]: I w0n'1 l3t y0U ge1 aVVaY wI1h 1hI$! [the monster nears Orbulon] N0000000000!!

--

Wario: WHAT!? A DEMON!?

Crygor: No, it's just a monster.

Wario: Darn! It would have been worth a **lot** more if it were a demon of HELL! [realizes he's off topic] Anyway, what's so bad about this demon--I mean, monster?

Crygor: Well, I wanted to create a solution to the problem of the banana becoming extinct, so I created a little bug-type creature, that would, although feed primarily on the banana leaves, would leave a reproductive coating that would fertilize the _Musa sapientum_/Banana.

Dribble: But what happened?  
  


Crygor: I did, well, get a little distracted by Super Bowl XXXVIII, and I think I may have added a 'volatile mutant gene' sauce to it, and now it will [panicking] KILL US ALL!!

Dribble: Did you watch that half-time show?

Spitz: Meow!

Crygor: Yes...

Wario: DAMMIT! YOU'RE GONNA KILL US ALL, BECAUSE YOU WATCHED JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE UNINTENTIONALLY RIP OFF JANET JACKSON'S TITTY SHIELD!? [calm] Now, let's kill it good.

Dribble: Hey, where's Waluigi and the girls?

Spitz: Meow!

--

[Kat, Ana, and Waluigi look to see the knocked out couple]

Waluigi: They can't even wait until they get inside to do that!? Boy, Valentine's Day really warps you!

Ana [feeling pulses]: Waluigi! They're in comas!

Waluigi: Oh! So they're **not** doing the nasty or dead?

Kat [disgusted]: No!

[Ana whistles very loudly; their ninja dog, ninja sparrow, and ninja posse arrives on the scene]

Ana [commanding]: Find any unconscious people, and get them to the hospital right away!

Ninja Posse [all of them]: YES MAM!

[They disappear]

Waluigi: *gasp* LOOK!

[The three rush over to the fallen Orbulon]

Kat: ORBULON!

Orbulon [weak; barely conscious]: I'm... s0rry... [Kat gives him something to revive his strength and stop him from speaking leet]

Ana: What happened?

Orbulon: Well, I had just encountered a large insect that had sucked the life force out of a adorable couple. I scanned it with my extra-sensory powers--

Waluigi: You have extra-sensory powers?

Orbulon [annoyed]: Waluigi, please! [Waluigi mutters "sorry"] This monster will only feed on the life force of lovers! It is because it is filled with loneliness and malice. It hates us all, and will bring this world to the omega. RETURN IT TO NOTHINGNESS!

Waluigi: You need some scotch-flavored ice cream, man.

--

[The monstrous insect is charging towards the large pagoda]

Monster: RRROOOAAARRR!!!

Wario [from right behind the thing with Crygor, Dribble, and Spitz]: Don't think about it, monster-boy!

Spitz: Meow!

[The monster stares Spitz straight in the eye, and absorbs his life force effortlessly; the little kitty falls over in a coma-like state]

Dribble [shocked]: SPITZ OL' BUDDY! NO! [holds the little kitty's body]

Wario [angry; heroic]: Now you will pay for all that you have done! I'M NUMBER ONE!

Monster: RRROOOAAARRR!!!

[Wario jumps up to the monster, and gives him a 1-2-smackdown punch, making the monster collapse, stunned and weakened; Wario lifts him over his head, and he starts to store his internal power, saving his Wario-like charisma and strength into a mighty toss]

Mona [walking by, unaware of the battle]: Hey Wario! What's go--[gets stared at by the monster; she falls unconscious]

Dribble: IT GOT MONA TOO!

Wario [low, death-like in his own Wario way]: Big mistake, bitch. She was a good friend.

[Wario releases his energy, tossing the monster into the side of a wall on a house, not destroying the house at all, but turning the mass into gelatinous goo]

Crygor: Eww...

Dribble: That doesn't, you know, **bode** well.

Wario [looks at Mona and Spitz]: Hey! How come they didn't wake up yet? Shouldn't killing the monster wake the coma victims?

Crygor: That's what I thought! Unless... [Crygor runs (in his own unique sense) to collect a sample of the goo, and drips some on Spitz's face]

Spitz [coming to; sits up in Dribble's arms]: MEOW!!

Crygor: I KNEW IT! This monster's gooey slop still contains the life-force of all the people it drained! All _four_ of them! And so; we must place the goo on that couple lying on the ground, and on Mona as well!

[Wait... this has to do something with _Valentine's Day_? Alright... uh... the Hallmark's Store explodes; debris of Valentines spread to the fallen ground. The goo has re-formed into the monster]

Wario [irritated]: Not again! You're such a loser!

[Wario picks up the weakened monster; he then performs his "Signature Wario Pile Driver"™, disintegrating the monster completely!!]

Spitz [holding up a sign that says _Wario 3:16_]: MEOW! [Sees Dribble holding up a sign saying... _Deuteronomy 32:15!?_] MEOW!?

Waluigi [appearing with Kat and Ana out of nowhere; pulls out a Bible and quotes Dribble's line]: "So Jacob ate his fill. The darling grew fat and frisky; you became fat and gross and gorged. They spurned the God who made them and scorned their saving Rock."

Ana: Well, I bet none of us saw **THAT** one coming.

Crygor [holding a vial of monster goo]: I'm sorry, you said something? I'm going to bring the coma victims back now! [throws some goo on Mona's face]

Mona [springs up like a daisy]: WHAT THE!? AW MAN! WHAT IS THIS THAT'S ALL OVER ME!?

Wario [picking nose]: Well, Mona's back on her feet. Now, let's all celebrate with Valentine's Day chocolates!

[Everyone cheers!!]

Waluigi: Oh NO! ORBULON! [runs off to get said alien]

--

Orbulon [looking around, drinking a scotch-flavored milkshake]: I wonder when the girls and Waluigi will come back? Their ice cream's all melted and eaten [sips some melted ice cream with his straw] Oh yeah, that's so good!

--

Now, what have you all learned from today's mishap(s)? 

...

That's right. Never give up on your pursuit of the opposite sex, and make sure you always... wait, if I said that, then I'd have to change this to R... how silly of me. lol


End file.
